Ralph: Hey Milo, wanna play fetch with me?
Milo: Sure dad!
Ralph: Alrighty then. (takes out baseball from behind his back) FETCH!!! (throws baseball into window into the living room) Whoo-hoo I broke the window on my first try! I'm good at playing fetch! I am so trying out for major league baseball!
Milo: AHHH!!! Dad, mom will be home from the super market any minute now and if she sees that one of her windows are broken she's gonna freak!
Ralph: Ooooooh, we better get the ball back and blame the broken window on one of the neighborhood kids or I won't be getting any “special kisses” from your mom!
Ralph: Milo, I used to be in a band when I supposed to be in college.
Milo: Really, you used to be in a band?
Ralph: Yeah, my band used to rock out loud!
Sharlene: (giggles) Even though your band sucks!
Ralph: And you were the only person in this planet that actually listen to our music and lived. This is a song I like to call London Bridge, (heavy metal music playing) AND IT'S FALLING DOWN!!!
Ruth Ann: We' can refer to anything from the politician summary, like, we three or we the people!
Ralph: And my favorite (chases his tail) WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
Ralph: Your mom is so needy! (mocking Sharlene) Ralph, will you please take out the garbage, Ralph help me change Beth's diapers, Ralph I'm getting robbed, call the police, Ralph, I got bitten by a poisonous spider, call the ambulance.! What about my needs?!
"Ralph: Uh, I hated being working, I had no free will, I had to follow orders all the time, it was like being married all over again!! Except I'm married to a totally hot business woman instead of a totally handsome boss man.
Sharlene: Hahahahaha! Delivery Room.
Ralph: AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Medical bill...SO EXPENSIVE!!!
Ralph: Sharlene, I got some explaining for you.
Sharlene: Oh you do huh, then explain why is there no food in fridge even though I when to the store a hour ago!
Ralph: Uuuuuuuuh, hullabaloo?
Sharlene: That's it, you're going on a diet!
Ralph: (crying) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Sharlene: Awww, look Ralph, it's a picture of me 43 days pregnant with Beth. (shows picture to Beth) See Beth, that's you in mommy's tummy.
Ralph: Wait, I thought you love Beth, why did you eat her?
Ralph: "Ah, the great outdoors, and no wife! No kids! Ooh yeah, I'm gonna swing, daddy-o! I'm gonna call on my old pals (flip through book) Let's see, Sharlene, Ruth Ann with a little star next to it, Willow, no that's Milo with a smudge on the 'M'. Be..Bet...(crying) I miss my family!"
Sharlene: Hey you mean girls, leave my daughter alone!
Ralph: Yeah, pick on our son Milo instead! He's younger than you, he have hideous buck teeth, he have terrible acne and his voice is noticeably cracking! It's really embarrassing!
Ralph: Must, resist, the urge, to, do something stupid and not regret it later!
Ralph: I married a smart dog.
Sharlene: I married a...well he's cute and he makes me laugh.
Sharlene: Ralph, the kids are out of control! Please help me!
Ralph: No way honey, I'm too busy swimming in my own filth! (farts) And I like it! YAY FILTH!!!
Ralph: Hey Beth, want daddy to read you a bed time story?
Ralph: Oh okay! (hits himself with the book repeatedly) Ow, ow, ow!
Ralph: Hi honey, I got good news and bad news.
Sharlene: What's the good news?
Ralph: I found a penny and I named it Margaret!
Sharlene: Okay, what's the bad news?
Ralph: It's a BOY penny!
Sharlene: Hey, Ralph?
Ralph: Yes, honey?
Sharlene: Do you ever feel like your life is already planned out? Like, someone else is in control of your destiny and life long dream?
Ralph: I always thought YOU were in control of my destiny and life long dream!
Ralph: Hey, I may not have your muscles, good looks, money, hot trophy wife and amazing singing voice and dance moves, but my wife still love me anyways. No matter how much of a doofus and an idiot I truly am!
Ralph: For once honey, I agree with your shrill, commanding, authoritative and sorta manly voice! (Sharlene glares at him) I mean, I love you honey!